Torture

So everyone goes on and on about losing the "baby weight."  I did, right here on this blog after Bauer was born 2.5yrs ago.  And I did; eating less, moving more I'd shed it all well before his first birthday.
And then... I gained it all back.  I lost small chunks of it before my trips to the Dominican Republic and Costa Rica, but I kept gaining it back and then some.  And I was baffled.  I exercise.  A lot.  You might remember how I trained for a half marathon without losing weight.  I eat healthy food.  Green food!  But I was also supplementing my healthy food with embarrassing amounts of sugar.  I like to bake and candy-make!  I like to eat it all even more!  And then live in complete denial of how many unneeded calories I was consuming when I made brownies and cookies and pecan toffee every day (after all, I deserve it!).
And then I stepped on the scale and realized I was mere pounds away from what I weighed right before I gave birth (the fact that more and more of my clothes don't fit wasn't enough; but that number did it for me).
Time to get real.
I started food journaling to keep myself accountable (oh, how I didn't want to be accountable!).  But I now was cutting out healthy stuff in favor of my delectable sweets to keep in the right caloric range.  And binging on them weekends.  I also felt tired and scattered all the time.
Time to get real... er.
I committed to kick this sugar monkey off my back.  Nothing but veggies, beans, nuts and (preferably lean) meat, for two weeks before reintroducing fruits and whole grains in appropriate amounts.  And of course I picked *the best* "time of the month" to do this.  The first day was fine (anyone can do anything for a day).  Then I got headaches, felt incredibly fatigued and beyond irritable.  Pretty sure my family wanted to chain me up out in the garage.
And here's the thing; I wasn't hungry.  I would be stuffed, but I just did. not. feel. satisfied.  I wanted brownies and a grilled cheese sandwich.  Huge slices of sourdough, slathered with butter and so much extra sharp cheddar that it overflowed the sides and browned to a crisp in the pan (can you tell I thought about it a lot!?).
And that lasted for 4 days.  Today and yesterday, the intense cravings are finally gone.  I can think about other things!  I don't need a nap!  I don't feel like it's insane and I'm going to die if keep going for another week to thoroughly kick the habit.  I only lost 2lbs in these 7 days, which is a healthy rate, but feels disappointing considering how tortured I felt those 4 days I struggled to stick with it.  Also, I know I over-ate at a few meals in that time in futile attempts to fill that sucking hole of sugar withdrawal.
I hope the rest of the weight is gone by the time I turn 30.
Congratulations and thank you if you made it this far! :)