Two Months

I've been mother to three for two months!
I have to say Charlize has slipped right on in.  There have been a couple difficult days, but by and large, this transition has been smooth!  I wear her a lot and while it does free up my hands, there are lots of things I still don't like to do while I have her in the wrap.  So when I've got her napping in the pack-and-play, it's a crap shoot on whether I'll be super productive and work out or go into a cleaning frenzy or do meal prep, OR just veg on my sofa enjoying the freedom of posture provided by not having a baby strapped to me.  Also, for some unknown reason, I envisioned it being cool for longer into her infancy.  It's hot already.  So between the demands of nursing and wearing a wrap all day (with out without baby in it), I rarely venture away from leggings and a tank with a shelf bra (to secure nursing pads).
I went back to work, albeit part time, two weeks ago and even that has been smooth.  I still hate pumping, but Charlize is more quickly accepting of the bottle than Bauer was when he started daycare at 4mo, so that is a relief!
It's also neat to see Damon as a third time dad.  His confidence and responsiveness have at least quadrupled since Emberly was a baby.
She is such a joy and I already have a hard time remembering what our life was like before she got here!  Seriously, what was I doing all day?

wonder week

Today, Charlize is happy about nothing.  Nothing, I tell you.

psst, I knit those little knickers!

crutch

The other day someone mentioned "third baby syndrome," as the reason behind the lack of pictures they had.
There are a few things where the third time around, I just can't be bothered.  But pictures is not one of them.  In fact, the opposite.  I feel like every part of this experience needs thorough documentation because it's the last time!  A gazillion photographs are my crutch.  I briefly lost my camera shortly after she was born and I'm certain that panic attacks were around the corner if I hadn't found it when I did.
This past weekend Sarah (of Sarah Goodsell Photography) brought me a thumb drive of the images from Charlize's birth.
Oh. My. God.  I wept!  I'm beyond thrilled with them and so glad that we decided to hire her to share this talent with us.  I wish I could have hired her when Emberly and Bauer were born!
Below are some of the images.

Obsessed

It's hard to sit down at my computer and really write something.  I've had lots of lovely visitors and it's kind of rude to type when they're trying to make eye contact and talk to you.  So there's that.
But also, I'm obsessed.  Obsessed with my last little cherub.  Obsessed with knitting.
With that said, here's my little cherub in a little smock I knit her to wear today :)

Precipitous

I was drafting a cheeky "still pregnant" post with this picture:

But then, wouldn't you know, at 38wks and 6 days, I went into labor.
At 5:30 Wednesday morning, I woke up to an intense contraction. I laid there and nothing else happened, so I dismissed it as my uterus again being irritated by my full bladder. I got up a quarter after 6 and due to spicy Thai for dinner last night, had an unpleasant trip to the bathroom. As I tried to wash up and get ready for the day, I kept feeling like I needed to get back on the toilet but it felt like upset stomach cramps, not birthing waves.  I finished dressing and went downstairs to try to make Emberly's lunch and breakfast, and the cramps started to form a pattern. At 6:50, when it was time to be getting Bauer in the car to head to daycare, I was pretty sure I was having contractions and was afraid to drive. So instead I shot a text to my photographer and midwife's apprentice. I undressed and hopped in the shower. It felt great, but did not make them stop, in fact, they started lasting over a minute. My midwife arrived and listened to her heart tones through a contraction and got set up. I went for my go-to seat on the toilet and the waves seemed to lose their "peak" and spread apart and I got a little worried that we'd be here a while and I'd called everyone too early. But every time I tried to stand, I'd get hit with a more intense wave that sat me back down. I decided to just not worry about how while seated it felt more like menstrual cramps than contractions. And sure enough, I started feeling like I had to go #2 again and when I tried to breathe through the urge, my body forced me to push. I reached down and felt the bulging bag of waters.  What?  Was it really already time to push?! I waited for one more wave to confirm the need to push and I moved out to our bed. I kneeled on the floor and draped myself over the edge of the bed. Damon and the kids were downstairs eating and my midwife thought she'd let them until birth was imminent. Well, next contraction, during which I was still trying to "breathe baby down" without actively pushing, she was crowning. So everyone came in the room and took a seat. Next wave, waters broke, I took a breath and my body forced me to push and out she came at 9:37 (at under 3hrs from the onset of regular contractions, labor with her was over 30min shorter than with Bauer and 2.5hrs shorter than with Emberly; if I were to have another baby {I'm not!}, I'm afraid of how fast it'd be)!  Welcome to the world, Charlize Athena (who nearly *everyone* was convinced was a boy for the last month!).
She weighed in at 6lbs, 10.5oz and 20" long. So despite coming over a week early, she's bigger than Bauer! And longer than Emberly was too!  Her siblings are so in love and want to hold her all the time.  She's nursing like a champ and so far, sleeping like a champ too!

Daydreams

We've been guessing and taking wagers on this baby's sex and weight.  And I've been wondering about what this little person will look like.  And then I was looking at Emberly and Bauer's newborn pictures and realized they were twins for the first several days.  I'm thinking this baby will also be pale with a button nose and a head full of dark hair.  But will he or she have blue or brown eyes?  Will his or her hair stay dark or turn red/blond?  Will it turn to tiny spiral curls or big sausage curls?!  Daydreaming...

Term

Baby should stay cozy in there another couple weeks at least, but I'm 37 weeks today!  I bought my birth kit and got my prescription for the after-pains (seriously, they're no joke; staggering acetaminophen with 800mg ibuprofen didn't *touch* the after pains while nursing when Bauer was born. Like, can I just give birth again, instead?).  And my midwife affirmed for me that despite my paranoia caused by all the peri-navel-region movement, baby is left occiput anterior; meaning the baby is head down with the back and bum just to the left of my navel.
Exciting!!!

Necklace/Earrings: Charming Charlie, Jacket: F21, Dress: American Apparel

Anticipation / Dread

The other night, I got the kids into bed right on time and they magically fell asleep without coming down the hall 100x to tattle or tell me about some imperative I'd forgotten (You didn't hug me!).  And I snuck out some chocolate I'd hidden and sat on my sofa, snuggled under my favorite throw when it hit me.
This is going to be over in about a month!
In about a month, bedtime will no longer be the light at the end of the tunnel that I can sprint toward on difficult days.  My nights will be just beginning.
I can only cross my fingers that this little one will quickly settle into our routine and be one of those babies that nurses and immediately falls back into slumber during the night.
But the nice thing about this being my third time to the rodeo is that I know even if baby isn't "easy," that babies are only babies for so long and that in all likelihood, I'll make it out alive!
It's easy to gloss over the work and sleeplessness involved when you spend 40+ weeks imagining who this new little person will be and can't wait to peer into a little face and steal all his/her sugar...  And, this time I have two excited little helpers!

six weeks

Just six weeks left.  Baby must be practicing breathing a lot more in there because the hiccups seem nearly nonstop lately!

Top: Motherhood, Cords: Target

Forty-one of Fifty-Two

BONUS! We peeked at Baby 3 yesterday for our anatomy scan; here's a nice, creepy sonogram image of the face! Love that skull! ;)

Fifty Percent

dress: j. crew, sandals: sam edelman

We've reached the half-way point!
I've been feeling lots of movement for a while now, and next week we'll get to peek in there at this little one for our anatomy scan (sex hopefully remaining a surprise for birth!).
My belly has been used for a pillow a couple times.
The ligament pain already has some intense moments; I tried to do a burpee challenge (100repsx100days) with a girlfriend that's into crossfit and I was doing well, but I'm going to have to modify it for myself.  I feel fine performing them (with my support belt), but it's been hurting to get out of bed at night and if you've ever known a pregnant woman, about twice a night at least is par for the course!
{p.s. sorry, Dad, I haven't cleaned the trash mirror lol}

Blooms

It might be officially fall but things are blooming around here.

{dress: ASOS, boots: Target}

{baby 3: late 2/2014}

Thirty-Two of Fifty-Two

PSA

Today I took my son in to be tested for a suspected hazelnut allergy.  I had binged on Nutella (surprise! not.) when he was just a little nursling and he broke out in bright red eczema on his chin and cheeks.  I quit eating Nutella, and my poor baby's rash went away.  And then earlier this year, I accidentally let him have a chocolate truffle with hazelnut in it.  He got the exact same rash all over his cheeks and chin again.
Pretty obvious.  So, while I was hoping to be wrong (because I was about thinking Emberly had a shellfish allergy! yay!) , I didn't know how else to explain those symptoms.
As it turns out, he is in fact allergic to hazelnuts.  And brazil nuts.  He's never had those and I don't care one way or the other about them, so okay.  But then the allergist tells me he's allergic to almonds!  What?!  I use almond everything, all the time.  Almond butter, almond milk, almond flour, sliced almonds, roasted almonds; you name it!  He eats them all the time with no loud, obvious rash to speak of!
So then the allergist goes on to explain that toddlers/preschoolers often have trouble articulating swelling and itching in the mouth or throat and simply react by shoving their hands in their mouth.
Click, click... BOOOM!
That was the sound of cogs fitting together inside my feeble brain.  Bauer constantly shoves his hands in his mouth and whines about his mouth/throat without being able to really tell us what the problem is.  I'll quickly look, not really see anything and conclude that he bit his tongue or his 2yr molars are bothering him, maybe even sinus drainage making his throat sore.  Or think that it's just another expression of anger for his easily pissed-off little self.  It never occurred to me that something he ate was causing uncomfortable itching/swelling.
I am so thankful that I discovered this before I caused anaphylaxis by shoving almonds down his throat almost daily.  And hopefully I help someone else who doesn't know why their little one is shoving his/her hands in his/her mouth!

So Grown

I hope everyone had a lovely Easter weekend!
It's here.  That time I got my body back to myself.  I've been pregnant and/or breastfeeding since August 2006.  I blogged before about how breastfeeding the 2nd time around was different and I predicted that Bauer would have weaned long before now because he was just so easy-going about it and Emberly needed nudging every step of the way.  He was only nursing a couple mornings a week at most when we went to Costa Rica, so I thought the trip apart might wean him.  Nope, he climbed into bed and asked the first morning we were back.  I decided that as soon as he went seven days without asking, we would consider ourselves weaned.  Well wouldn't you know that he had a 6th sense about it and nursed once every 5-7 days for the next several months!?  One does not maintain much of a supply with such little nursing so most sessions were composed of him going back and forth and proclaiming them empty until he was sure they were very empty.
Then, last weekend he latched on for half a second before an over-due nap.  And that was the last time he nursed.  I'm sure something devastating (to a 2.5yo) will happen that will make him think of nursing and make a request, but I'll get him his blankie and snuggle him close and remind him what a big boy he is now...

...And remind myself that I still nourish and comfort him, even if not from my own body.  Bittersweet!

Old Man Swag

My darling little old man.  Complete with high-water pants.

gif
So I thought given Bauer's small size and the fact that he's out of diapers, he wouldn't need new pants this winter (he wore 12 and 18mo shorts all summer!).  I guess he did grow, because while the waist and seat are still huge, the length is waaaay too short (these were some of the longest!).  Comical.  But he picked these pants and it didn't seem like a battle I wanted to pick, so he got his old man swag on.

Then & Now

Knobby-kneed five year-old or rolly-polly-thighed infant, I love her in my first pair of home-made baby-legs!
Happy Halloween!

Top & Skirt: crewcuts
Cardi and Socks: H&M
Legwarmers: home-made
Shoes: gift

Bus Stop

Most mornings mean hanging out at the bus stop.
Bauer LOVES the bus stop.  He hops around making faces at random parents and big kids.  He finds berries in the rocks and tries to climb trees.  He tries to fasten himself back into the stroller.  He gets his heart broken when his plans to board the bus are foiled daily.
But my favorite thing to watch is when he gets all up in his sister's mix.  "What are you guys doing?! I'm just going to insert myself in the middle of your girl huddle and check it out."  Luckily, she and the other little girls rarely mind.

AND, I've stumbled on some nice cheap finds online and in-store too.  Mostly fall stuff that it's still too warm here for, but a few tanks and things too.

Cardi: H&M
Tank: Crewcuts
Skirt: Cherokee
Sneakers: Paisley

The Weekend

This weekend we traveled to SoCal to meet a new baby and see a recovering aunt.
Long car rides seem better when you get to eat In-N-Out.  And when you get to gush over a new baby at the end.  Burgers + Babies = Great Weekend.

They Exist

When Emberly was a toddler and I'd visit a parenting community for similarly aged children, sometimes they'd do a nursing roll-call.  Who's still hanging in there with their nursling.  And moms would come forward with these stories of toddlers who were steadily cutting back and how precious these last few months of breastfeeding were.
I had no idea what the hell they were talking about.
I've written before about the differences between Emberly and Bauer as nurslings before.  At 2 years, Emberly was still very attached to nursing.  And while I felt passionate about child-led weaning, there were many touched-out days where I contemplated giving her a hearty shove in that direction.  She did begin to cut back on her own around 2.5yrs, but I still wonder if the actual weaning would have been so smooth had my supply not dried up in pregnancy.
Bauer, on the other hand, he's only nursed upon waking up in the morning for probably about a year.  He's had periods of teething or travel stress where for a week or so he would request a couple times a day, but that was hardly the norm.  And for a few months now, he'd skip a day every once in a while.  And last week, he only nursed 3x.  This is all happening with absolutely no prodding from me.  This must be what they were all talking about!  These kids *do* exist!
When Emberly weaned, I already knew I had 2+yrs of nursing another in front me.  So with Bauer possibly being our final child, I anticipated these days being more bittersweet than they are.  But it's actually been surprisingly nice.  Bauer's affection previously often felt like it was all about the milk.  Sure, I'll pet you and twirl your hair, but where's the ninny?  In the last few weeks since he's skipped days at a time without a request to nurse, he's wanted more hugs and snuggles from me.  Sometimes at nap time, he asks, "Mommy snuggle?"  Which I was immediate wary was simply a classic delay tactic, but no, he really wants me to lay next to him with his arm around my neck, staring drowsily at me while I rub his back.  Some days he tells me "all done" and I leave, other days I give him a kiss and leave after a couple minutes.  It's all incredibly sweet.
Sometimes I feel a bit of regret that I didn't feel quite so lovely about the end of Emberly's nursing days, but I recognize there's always trade-off.  Bauer is quite the tantrum thrower.  He HAS to be such a sweet, ideal little nursling, otherwise he might find himself living under the stairs!

{if you think about that one time, down by the river... you'll realize it has nothing to do with this post. (any ATHF fans?)}