Tuesday, July 12, 2011

Obsessed with Obsessed

I've been watching the A&E series, Obsessed, lately. And I'm always randomly referencing episodes with Damon and he tells me that I'm going to be on the show, for watching the show LOL
The show is about people with anxiety disorders that have manifested themselves into various forms of OCD. The show centers around a more hands-on type therapy called Exposure and Controlled Response, where they expose the patient to their anxiety producing situation and make them experience the anxiety and wait for it to subside, without using their typical compulsions.
I find it absolutely intriguing, because I'm fascinated by the human brain and the extreme ways we can react to trauma. What is it that allows some to recover relatively quickly and unscathed, yet other's minds are fragile and trap them in destructive behavior?
It makes me think about where we draw the line between habit and obsession. It makes me think about how I've responded to life events and examine my own worry-wart quirks.
Sometimes when I leave the kids in the playroom at the gym, Bauer gets pretty upset (damn my broken toe and long absence from the gym that allowed him to develop that!). When he starts to cry and is looking at me in distress, I feel my anxiety level rise (which is something I've been paying attention to since watching the show and seeing the therapists make their patients rate their anxiety on a scale 1-10). But I'm able to ignore my impulse to grab him and go about my workout. He calms down and plays, I work on my fitness.
I get anxious about working out in and of itself. I get very irritable if something is preventing me from working out as planned. And on days I've designated for rest, I get anxious if I feel like i haven't eaten well enough to deserve a rest day and often end up working out once the kids go to bed anyway. But I don't workout for excessive lengths or numbers of times, I do eat nutritiously and it doesn't really get in the way of enjoying my family. So I can still think of myself as a fitness fanatic rather than a compulsive exerciser.
I am also insistent on giving my family hugs and kisses and "I love you"s any time they leave the house. I worry that if I don't, they'll die in horrible accident and I'll have to live without closure and with regret. But not because I caused it per se, but that it's just the ironic way in which I think the universe works.

I think we're probably all a little bit crazy :D

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