Friday, September 10, 2010

The skin I'm in

Some women are able to embrace their curves and love the shape of a mother. I'm really just not one of them. Maybe it comes with age, but at 27, I still view my skinny, nearly flat-chested 22 years old self as the ideal "me." I can deal with being a bit heavier as long as everything is still firm. And I felt fantastic and sexy during this last pregnancy, having maintained my fitness level the entire time. But the huge round belly is gone, seriously throwing off the balance between my lower and upper body and leaving mushy, stretch-marked muffin top in its place. I mentally know that it's ridiculous to expect things to snap back overnight, and I mentally know that it'll eventually and slowly happen because it did after my daughter was born. But that doesn't stop the emotional stress it causes me. And the sugar loading that I use to treat emotional stress, which slows the process down even more. I'm still physically fit. And WELL within normal BMI for my height. It's entirely possible for me to dress in a way to flatter this figure. But that just pisses me off. I don't want to buy new clothes (even if I could afford to), and I don't want to have to pay attention to what flatters me. 22yo me looked great in everything. I want that back and I want it now!
Anyway, I'll let everyone know when I find the secret to patience and self-acceptance.

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